Ofego was walking on the roadside talking to himself and laughing when a car suddenly pulled over in front of him and two men rushed out and grabbed him into the car and sped off. Ofego cried out in the car as it drove; Wetin i do, wetin i do, where una dey waylay me go? One of the men trying to hold his mouth shouted; Shut up! The second man barked at him; You want him to shut up, cover him mouth na, wetin dey worry you. Ofego still screamed until the first man succeeded in covering his mouth. But Ofego continued shaking. The driver increased the speed. The first man asked the driver; Driver, you know where we dey blow go shey? The Driver exclaimed; Why I no go know, I be una men na. The first man retorted; Okay oh! I bin don forget. The second man quipped; Hmmmm!! Something dey smell. He looked around himself. The first man said; I no dey hear anything o. The second man queried; Why you go hear, you get nose? Driver you no dey hear? The driver replied; I no dey hear too o. The first man quipped; Hmm! I don dey hear. The driver quipped; I don dey hear too. This one pass mess o. The second man said to the first man; Raise the boy up first. The first man obeyed and rose Ofego up from the car seat. The car was still driving, this time, on a high speed. As Ofego was rose up, they chorused; Hmmmm! Na the boy dey smell. Ofego said; Yes, na me dey smell, in short, na my Ebola dey smell. In shock, the first man asked; You get Ebola? Ofego said; Yes, them born me with am. The second man exclaimed; Na im we wan use you do blood money? Ofego started shaking, he started slowly and went furious. While shaking, he began to say; My Ebola don dey spread. In a mimick tune, he said; Ebola reading one kilo now, will soon spread into opponents body. Spreading Ebola initializing! Second man shouted; Driver, stop car! Driver obeyed. They jumped out of the car and ran away. Only Ofego was left in the car, and started laughing. He said to himself; One thing na to get yarnsh, another thing na to know how to use am shit.
At the expressway, cars were blowing pass, Ofego was trekking and wondering were he was; Where be this? Where ko be this? He placed his hand on his beards and kept wondering asking himself; Ofego where be this? Ofego where ko be this? You nor sure say this people don carry me lost so. This place no be like community at all o. Make e no be say i don lost o. He saw a guy passing by and stopped him; Honourable well don o. I greet you. Honourable? The guy said; Eh-hen? Ofego asked; Honourable which place be this? The guy replied; Na express road na. And crosses off. Ofego said to himself; Na wa o! Some people sef eh! I dey ask better question he dey give me mumu answer. I repeat, make e no be say i don lost o. God abeg, which place i dey so. Two girls were walking by, first girl; He never see anything, I go show the ofrukpe guy say na Warri babe i be, so he get liver to dey cheat on me. Second girl; No mind the jankoliko. Rukevwe i dey tell you, you must to show am today o. He don tey when he dey lanko for you, because i no dey tell you? First girl; Na there we dey go so. If i no tell am say, goat pikin tell he owner say, make he no look am with the eye when he take dey look he mama because no be him them buy for market, this Warri go relocate without quit notice, make we dey go. Ofego who was standing by listening to the conversation pondered on the last word; This Warri? And repeated it. And started following the girls. The girls turned to him; Wetin? Na Warri be this? Ofego asked. Na London you feel say be this? The girls retorted. Ofego puts his hand on his head; Ermm! He looked towards the other side of the road and saw a sign board; Cure My Craze Mental Hospital Warri. Ofego yelled; Heyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!
Ofego walked into a street; So na Warri this people catapult me put. Dying mode activated! I don die, i don die. Hungry dey beat me. He sighted a church doing harvest and ran into it. He jumped and shouted with the the congregation. Clapping and shaking body joyfully. He used style to stare at the corner of the church and saw coolers. He thought; Hmmmm! Thank God say wetin i find come dey. Na my favourite, jollof rice, go dey inside that cooler so. I no go miss am. Monkey no dey miss banana wey dey in front of am at all. He shouted with the congregation; Ehn, yes, praise thy Lord. And added, after praise thy Lord na halleluyah.
While the pastor was preaching Ofego slept off and woke up when church was over. He looked around and saw empty pure water satchets, rubber spoons and take away packs with empty bottles of coca cola on the floor, and started moaning; Sleep why? Because of you now them don share rice leave me. This is just the beginning. Watch Out for Warri Ofego Episode Two. It will be at my homepage later. Don't miss it.
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